First all, if you’ve just found this entry—and I’m sure you’re here for a reason—don’t panic. It’s going to be fine. Please read all instructions before proceeding.

Of late there have been a spate of embarrassing gaffes on behalf of politicians in the social media realm. And by ‘gaffes’, let’s be blunt: posting penis pictures publicly on Twitter, specifically the penises of the painfully apropos New York Democrat Anthony Weiner and lesser known Canadian Conservative candidate George Lepp.

There was much jocularity and mirth at the time: after all, politicians are public figures, and rightly or wrongly they are somehow expected to behave in overly virtuous ways (and in the case of Conservative politicians, impose strict virtue upon us). I personally think this is unnecessary and unfair, but that is not the subject of this piece.

At the time of the transgressions, the penis owners in question reacted as expect: denial. Allegations of hacking, pranking, and other online malfeasance were bandied around initially but soon these tall tales crumbled and apologies were issued. In the case of Weiner, who was married and apparently a pathologically profligate penis poster, the matter came to a head with his resignation. Again, whether this is a right or fair climax to the matter is debatable, but I digress.

Now, myself, I have a fair bit of experience in the communications and PR realm, and have taken part in more than a few flop-sweat soaked Crisis Planning meetings. Often these events are attended to by PR heavy hitters who help to craft strategy, tactics, messages and coach on talking points to soften the impact or ameliorate the damage to brand, name, or reputation. And perhaps these expensive consultants are worthwhile and even valuable; I know if you were to ask me to do so I would prefer you think that way.

After some thought myself on how to best manage such a situation if one of my clients came calling in a penis panic at 2am on a Sunday (statistically, the time when the largest number of penis pictures are tweeted) I think this is entirely the wrong approach. I considered keeping this strategy to myself, to become somewhat of a Fixer of such things—a penis picture cleanup man in the Karl Rove sense—because I am confident that such events will surely occur again. After all, penises, whether that of a plumber, professor, or politician, want to be free, photographed, and shared on the Internet.

Upon further reflection I realized that this approach, while potentially lucrative, was not truly in the spirit of social media where sharing is paramount. Additionally, why bury or obfuscate when the opportunity¹ presented  by the errantly-publicized penis could be used to foster better community, direct engagement with constituents, and maybe turn an awkward and embarrassing situation into something to be celebrated.

The best part is it is easy.

So without further pomp or fanfare, I present the Hicks 4-Step Penis Picture Post Solution™.

Upon realizing you have accidentally published a picture of your penis to the Internet or social media site (e.g. Facebook or Twitter)…

1. Stop everything. Say nothing.
2. Locate the picture(s) in question. Do not delete it.
3. Link to or send the picture to EVERYONE you know along with a light, humorous message. e.g. “Hey, check this out! penisLOL!!!” [if it is a Twitter penis faux pas, I recommend using the #penisLOL hashtag]
4. As replies pour in shrug them off like you meant to do it. I mean, there’s no law against an adult male exhibiting his physique to his friends and followers; revel in the sure-to-follow debate about the pros/cons of circumcision. Within hours everyone will have forgotten as they move on to discuss a dead celebrity or something stupid Kanye West said.  Breathe easy: crisis averted, big guy!

I know this seems counter-intuitive and risky, but trust me it works. If you want proof look no further than Aesop’s seminal tale The Miller, the Son, and the Donkey, which you may have read in grade school, or most certainly in Ethics class some years later: He who penises everybody penises nobody.

¹ Remember, the Chinese symbol for “penis tweet” means opportunity and laughter.